Being adversaries doesn’t mean we can’t be friends…

In case you don’t know, I am a trial lawyer.  I make my living facing down adversaries in the courtroom in the search for justice.  But just because we sit on the opposite sides of the courtroom doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends when we walk outside the courtroom doors.

For example, there are many defense lawyers that I have sat down for a beer with after a deposition or trial.  A number of them have been invited to parties at my house.  Most stop and shake my hand when we see each other on the street.

But it isn’t limited to just opposing lawyers.  I tried a Chrysler case several years ago, that over the course of the litigation, I hit it off with one of their in-house engineers who consults with their attorneys on cases.  Sure, we fenced in the courtroom, several times.  But even as we waited for the jury to come back with a verdict, we stood in the foyer just talking.  This engineer was in a horrible motorcycle wreck a short time later.  I immediately sent him a get well card through Chrysler’s national trial counsel.  I felt a moral obligation to because even though I knew we would face each other again, he was also my friend.

But today, I am experiencing a unique sort of loss.  A defendant (not a lawyer, not a witness, but the person I actually sued) from a case I concluded earlier this year, passed away a couple days ago and I am crushed.  Within the first few minutes of meeting Bob, we became friends.  He played football for Maryland in the 1950’s under Jim Tatum.  In fact, he played on Maryland’s 1953 National Championship team.  And that is why we became friends.  Everyone knows I am a big Oklahoma Sooners fan.  Jim Tatum left Oklahoma to coach at Maryland - which lead to the hiring of legendary coach Bud Wilkinson as head coach at OU.  In 1953, the National Championship was awarded prior to the bowl games.  Maryland played in the Orange Bowl that year and lost 7-0 to Bud Wilkinson’s Oklahoma Sooners.  Because I knew my Oklahoma football history, before I even met Bob, I knew a little bit about his time at Maryland.  And so we had something to talk about.  Over the course of the litigation and afterwards, Bob sent me some memorabilia from that game - a copy of the program, a copy of the television broadcast, etc. for my OU collection.  They are among the absolute highlights of my OU collection. 

Anyway, although Bob may have been a defendant in a case I once handled, I will always remember him best for being my friend.  God speed Bob and my prayers are with your family.

HYC check-in… change of perspective…

Well, I decided to follow through with the idea of moving my “official” weigh in day from Friday to Tuesday, so here it is.  196.6.  Down 0.2 since last Friday.  Total of 61.3 pounds down.  Getting back on the lifestyle change regarding eating and back to the Y is making a difference.  Unfortunately, I still haven’t been able to ramp things up quite as much as I want to, but I am getting there.

I had an interesting change of perspective thought yesterday that really made me feel good.  When I started this process back around Christmas at 257.9, I remember thinking that it would be great if I could get down to 170-189 (I set a broad range because I really didn’t know where I could go), but that it was so far away - 70 to 80 pounds in fact.  And then I thought about the fact that the loss has slowed down so much and the goal is still anywhere between 27 and 8 pounds away.  Hey wait…the top end of my range is only 8 pounds away!  The best I was hoping for is only 27 pounds away and I’ve already lost more than twice that much.  And taking a look at where I am still carrying extra baggage, it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that I might even be able to go under 170.  This is awesome!!!

Contractual interpretation of the marriage vows…

I have been thinking a lot about the marital vows in the context of my current situation.  You know, “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, respect, and cherish ’till death do us part.”  When I said those words years ago, I meant them and I was entering into vows that I intended to fulfill for the rest of my life.  And NOTHING would ever cause me to renege on those vows.  And the vows were absolute.  “For better or worse” mean no matter what.  As a result, despite my reasons for being hurt right now, I feel tremendous guilt over what is happening.  And I have really struggled with reconciling that conflict.

You know, you can look at a problem all day long, but until you see it from a frame of reference that you can identify with, you won’t be able to see what answer is.  Obviously, the law is a frame of reference that I am very familiar with.  So I took a look at the marital vows in terms of contract law to see if that might guide me through my conflict.  Here is what I came up with.

Some contracts are illegal.  For example, You can’t contract to commit a crime.   Some contracts are against public policy and what society views as acceptable.  You can’t contract away your human rights.  What does that mean in terms of the wedding vows?  It means that the vows don’t contract away your right to be happy, to be treated with respect or dignity, or your right to have and express your own individual thoughts, feelings, and opinions.  Sure, being part of a marriage changes some of your responsibilities and obligations, but it does not mean  you have to give up your basic rights as an individual. 

Also, you have to read a contract in context - you can’t pick and choose the words you want to pay attention to and ignore the rest.   With respect to the vows, I can’t help but seize on the words “for better or worse” and “to love, honor, respect, and cherish[.]“  It is very important to read these words together.  You are supposed to love, honor, respect, and cherish when life is better AND when life is worse.  Anything less is a breach of the contract, and you are not obligated to continue to perform your obligations under a contract when the other party breaches the contract.  Don’t misunderstand - I am not laying blame with that statement, I am only making an observation.  In fact, I will make it really clear - I am not perfect; I breached the contract from time to time; and I am sure I caused damage because of it.  That is the nature of relationships.

I guess my point is that sometimes long term contractual relations just don’t survive.  The breach may not be intentional, malicious, or even due to a lack of care or consideration.  But sometimes it is best that the parties walk away from the contract so no one has to suffer further losses.  At least logically, I can understand that.

John Denver explains it better than I ever could…

This is what it’s like falling out of love
This is the way you lose your very best friend
This is how it feels when it’s all over
This is just the way true love ends

First of all there’s no one you can talk to
When there is they just don’t seem to care
Words don’t seem to matter much anyway
They can’t describe the pain
They can’t explain the fear

Then the nights grow cold and hard to live through
Still you hate to see the morning come
Somehow tomorrow doesn’t matter much anymore
The future holds no promise
Your life’s already done

This is what it’s like falling out of love
This is the way you lose your very best friend
This is how it feels when it’s all over
This is just the way true love ends

Then you find your heart no longer flutters
You no longer look through a lover’s eyes
What’s to see when the world falls down around you
You simply can’t believe it
But it comes as no surprise

This is what it’s like falling out of love
This is the way you lose your very best friend
This is how it feels when it’s all over
This is just the way true love ends

What a sense of failure
It’s such an incredible loss
It’s all the things you’ll never do
And all the dreams that will never come true

This is what it’s like falling out of love
This is the way you lose your very best friend
This is how it feels when it’s all over
This is just the way true love ends
Oh this is just the way a true love ends
I don’t believe a true love ever ends

Chores I hate… am I back in Oklahoma?… addendum

I have spent part of the weekend doing the kinds of chores I absolutely hate.  Like pulling weeds in the yard - which I will have to finish tomorrow due to the rain.  And shredding financial records, pre-approved credit card offers, etc.  I do that once a year and it usually takes several hours.  Eight bags of shredded paper later, I was finally done.  Until next year.

The weather here has been crazy the last few days.  It will rain really hard for 30 minutes, clear up for 3-4 hours, then rain really hard for 30 minutes, clear up for 3-4 hours,…bet you can’t guess what happens next.   Today was really warm and the sun was out, but you could hear the massive thunder rumbling in the far distance.  It reminded me so much of what it was like in Oklahoma before the really bad thunderstorms and tornadoes.  The only difference is that in Oklahoma, you could see the bad weather coming.

Addendum - again, the weather changed, so after dinner I finished pulling weeds.  In fact, it has cleared up enough that I am thinking about throwing to top down and going cruising for a while.  Tomorrow morning the plan is to play golf and then get some more real world work done.  I also have to get my meals for the week done and will try to squeeze laundry in.  Typical weekend.  Hope everyone else’ weekend went well.

Official weigh-in - good news… picture for Rose… addendum…

Here it is - the official weigh-in.  196.8 - 61.1 pounds total, down 1.2 from last week.  (Unfortunately, that is also up a full pound since yesterday).  However, it is also the lowest “official” weight I have had since starting this process!!!  Bling has been updated.

I am tempted to move my “official” day to Tuesday since that is HYC check-in.  We’ll see.

Rose wanted to see a picture of the tan slacks I put on yesterday that had not been taken up and were way too big.  I checked the tag, these had a 42 inch waist, so they actually weren’t actually the largest size I ever wore which was a 44 inch waist.

Addendum - Sometimes we forget that in the midst of our own crises, that that everyone else in the world has their own issues to face.  So today I am sending out special prayers for those who need them and need them far more than I do.

Top 10 Favorite Foods…

Rose tagged us all for our top 10 and it appears from her answers that it doesn’t have to be limited to stuff that is good for us or that we actually do eat, so here goes:

Top 10 Favorite Foods in order.

1. Braum’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream - haven’t had since November, 2007

2. Chocolate chip cookies - I had one a couple months ago

3. Pumpkin Pie - haven’t had since November, 2007

4. frozen Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls - don’t even remember the last time I had one

5. frozen Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups - I last had some at Christmas, 2007

6. Jelly Belly’s - last had some in November, 2007

7. Domino’s pepperoni pizza - last had some a month or so ago

8. Fried okra - but only the way my Grandmother and Patty make it - last had some December, 2007

9. Golden Oreos - don’t remember the last time I had any

10. Watermelon - last had some around Valentine’s Day

You know, I started my change in diet right at the end of December, 2007.  Reviewing this list, I am begining to understand why I have lost 60 pounds.  When watermelon is the healthiest thing on your list, that is pretty bad.

“I am the egg man, I am the egg man, I am the walrus, goo goo ga choo…”

OK, the title was inspired by the fact that I decided to make some eggs while I wait for Goodwill to come pick up somethings we are donating - furniture, a big screen TV, lawn furniture, and tons of other stuff.  But more than just the eggs, I am having such a great morning, I have every silly song in existence running through my head.  I was even singing the Smurfs’ theme song while getting dressed, you know the idiotic one that goes “La la la-la la la la la-la la la.”  It’s like Rose implanted a good mood subliminal message tape in my house or something.

So what is the cause of the good mood?  To paraphrase Puff Dadddy, P Diddy, Sean, or what ever his name is this week - ”It’s all about the [weight loss] baby.”  First, official weigh-in is tomorrow, but I couldn’t help taking a sneak peak - you know kind of like the movie trailers at the theater.  I’ve worked really hard on getting back into working out and watching what and when I eat, now that they constant chaos of the last few weeks has lifted.  And the scale is definitely moving in the right direction - in a big way.  I should be getting my 60 pounds bling back tomorrow and be well on my way to 65.  More importantly, a big move like that gives me hope that another 20-30 pounds is not out of the question.

Then I was getting dressed and stopped to look in the mirror (while wearing only my amazingly awesome new underwear), and was stunned at what I saw.  So many times we look at ourselves and think about how disgusted we are with our looks despite the weight loss, but today was different, I could really see the differences the last six months have made and was pretty proud of myself.  Sure, I have areas I still want to see get smaller and others I would like to tone up, but all and all, I thought I looked as good as I have in many many years.

And then I pulled out my tan dress slacks to get dressed, but I grabbed the wrong pair - a pair which had not been altered.  Keep in mind that even the altered slacks are way too big.  [The need for the new wardrobe is growing more and more important].  So I put them on and realized how enormous they were.  It was really an eye opener.

And for good measure, one of the girls at work asked me yesterday how much weight I had lost and I told her about 60 pounds, but I needed to lose 20-30 more.  Her response was “no you don’t, you look great.”  [Blush].

Anyway, I am in such a good mood, I even put cologne on this morning.  I don’t usually wear it, but for some reason today, I am pretty full of myself, so I did.

Oh yeah, I also cracked a tooth this morning, but who cares?  It’s been that good of a morning.

The house didn’t sell.  The guy thought he could get it for a steal since there is a separation situation involved.  Wrong.  I can afford to live here by myself.  When we get a realistic price, then we’ll talk.

That’s all for this morning,  Hope everyone has as wonderful a day as mine morning has been.

I had another solid workout last night.  I cut back my weight circuit some and then hit the court.  I continue to hit the ball amazingly well.  This whole US Open thing is starting to sound more and more like a possibility,

We got an offer on the house…

But based on the amount of the offer, they apparently weren’t interested in purchasing the second story.  LOL.  We’ve countered and we will see what happens.  We have more showings and open houses already set up, so we should be in good shape.

Keep your fingers crossed.

I missed the Rose’s memo, I mean meme, too…

I was looking at Diet Book’s blog and saw she had been tagged by Rose, read the responses, and then headed over to Rose’s place to see what she said, only to discovery that like Diet Book, I missed the fact that I had been tagged, so here I go…

1) LAST MOVIE U SAW IN A THEATRE? Iron Man - twice.  Don’t assume that means I am a comic book geek though - all the superhero movie / cartoon DVDs and graphic novels in my house belong to…um…Diet Book… I am just storing them for her

2) WHAT BOOK ARE U READING?  I am not reading one at the moment - I have been too busy.  But the next two I am going to read are already sitting at my bedside waiting for me to pick them up - “Plague Ship” by Clive Cussler (from the Oregon Files series - I love these books, they are much more like Cussler’s early Dirk Pitt books) and “How Dr. Death Became Dr. Life” by Steve Williams (Williams was an All-American in wrestling and football at my alma mater, the University of Oklahoma, became a professional wrestler, found God, and survived throat cancer)

3) FAVOURITE BOARD GAME? Anything but Scrabble because I am tired of Diet Book kicking my “keister” (which is 11 points by the way, assuming no letter or word multipliers).  Seriously, I like Pente (I was given my Pente set at the age of 11 when I beat Gary Gabrel at a street fair in Stillwater the first time I ever played the game), Chess, Trivial Pursuit, and others.

4) FAVOURITE MAGAZINE? “Sooners Illustrated” but “Racquetball”, “Trial”,  and “Litigation” are not far behind.  Yeah, it’s strange to like reading magazines related to your profession, but I really do

5) FAVOURITE SMELLS?  the forest, rain, my grandfather’s old workshop, Cabotine perfume, I am sure there are others

6) FAVOURITE SOUNDS? the exhaust note on my car, music (bond, Toby Keith, Kiss, Brian Setzer, and tons of other stuff), the innocent laughter that only young children can make, being told “I love you”

7) WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? it’s a toss up between personal failure and being unable to help those people you wish you could

8 ) WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN U WAKE? think about how I should have gone to bed earlier the night before

9) FAVOURITE FAST FOOD PLACE? assuming it counts as fast food - Braum’s

10) FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? I sincerely doubt I will have any more children, but I am very partial to Amber Victoria

11) FINISH THIS STATEMENT—IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D… quit work, travel the world, help out my family, support more charities, etc.

12) DO U DRIVE FAST? sometimes….sometimes too fast, but man “what a rush” (no pun intended - ok, maybe a little intended)

13) DO U SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? nope

14) STORMS–COOL OR SCARY? both

15) WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? a royal blue Mitsubishi Eclipse

16) FAVOURITE DRINK? Diet Cherry Coke, Diet Sierra Mist

17) FINISH THIS STATEMENT-IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD… get caught up at work, shred all that stuff I need to, read the box of books that is waiting on me

18 ) DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? only to a point, but I certainly prefer the florets

19) IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY OTHER COLOUR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?  you know, I’ve thought about changing the color of my hair, but I don’t know what to

20) NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS U HAVE LIVED IN? Are you serious? Do you really have that much time?  Ok, to the best of my memory - Benton, Arkansas (several times); Fort Belvoir, Virginia; Columbus, Ohio; Premisch, Germany; Wildflicken, Germany; Franfurt, Germany; Elgin, Oklahoma; Wichita Mountain Estates (unincorporated), Oklahoma; Lawton, Oklahoma; Stillwater, Oklahoma; Bartlesville, Oklahoma; Norman, Oklahoma; Tulsa, Oklahoma; Broken Arrow, Oklahoma; North Little Rock, Arkansas; Madison, Georgia; Atlanta, Georgia; St. Peters, Missouri; and Charleston, West Virginia

21) FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? college football, racquetball, golf

22) ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? for someone as young as she is, Rose seems to really have her act together and is always so upbeat and supportive

23) WHATS UNDER YOUR BED? a bed frame, what else - well ok, there’s also carpet, flooring, the kitchen, the garage, ground, the Earth’s core - is that far enough

24) WOULD U LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN? yeah, I probably would, but there are some things I would definitely do differently that I think would have made my life better and happier

25) MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL? unless you are on fire or dead, do not call me before 9 am; feel free to call me up until midnight about anything

26) OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP? scrambled

27) FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELAX? DeGray Lake, Arkansas or behind the wheel of my car

28 ) FAVOURITE PIE? Pumpkin

29) FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR? Braum’s including flavors like chocolate chip cookie dough, fudge ripple, french vanilla, vanilla, chocolate chip, mint chocolate chip

30) OF ALL THE PEOPLE U HAVE TAGGED, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? I will tag Hanlie, Cammy, Sybil, Hungry Caterpillar, and Grumpy Chair, but I have no idea who will respond first